A Father’s Day
I was asked to write a blog by Catherine and this is something I have never done before as I’m never sure anyone would be all that interested in anything I’ve got to share. But as it’s Father’s Day coming up Catherine thought it might be good content to have me write a Blog Post (in other words she didn’t have anything else to post so I’ve been roped into writing something…)
So to make sure that I’ll never be asked again I’ll give you a step-by-step guide to my day today:
5.55am – Feel dampness next to my skin…what’s that…ahhh it’s wee…the clothes of my exceptionally awake and happy little 2 year old were soaking wet as his nappy had leaked everywhere. Jump out of bed, pick up the culprit who was now adamant he wanted to stay in bed and continue to soak our covers.
5.59am – managed to change the culprit into whole new outfit to then try and jump back into bed to realise that my eldest son had got in there before me…managed to get back in but then faced a series of brutal attacks from his very sharp toenails.
6.15am – submission – I’m awake. Time for breakfast.
6.20am – convince both boys to come down stairs for breakfast
6.23am – feed the youngest boy a lovely Weetabix medley with bananas, blueberries and honey. The eldest child is now in a foul mood as I didn’t let him have the ‘waffles’ for breakfast. I suggest something a little more nutritious like Cheerios…tantrum erupts. 4 minutes in the naughty corner. Quickly manage to put the kettle on and grab some granola.
6.27am – naughty corner probation over…breakfast is presented and equally snuffed. “it needs honey” apparently to which I explained that they were sweet enough.
6.28am – put more honey on the Cheerios
6.30am – both boys are too full and had far too much – they’ve had one spoonful each!
6.31 – 7.00am – various animal and aircraft impressions eventually managing to complete the breakfasts
7.05am – Shimmer and Shine is on full blast
7.06am – quickly down cup of tea and start to empty dishwasher
7.07am – crying erupts from youngest child – apparently he took a sudden dive and had nothing to do with the guilty looking four year old.
7.15am – adverts…youngest child starts to empty cupboards with a particular focus on the oils and vinegars (why haven’t these been moved yet??). Elder child starts to shout/scream/laugh/cry – can’t really tell which….
7.20am – Catherine comes downstairs
7.21am – I disappear to pack rucksack for work.
7.30am – I start to say goodbye to everyone – no one looks at me as Noddy the Toyland Detective is on.
7.31 am– try again
7.32am – eventually I get a response from someone.
7.33 am – make way for garage, jump on bike and leave for work
7.30 am-8am – peace and quiet
8am – shower in peace in the office
8.15am – sit at desk
12.30pm – lunch, go for a wander (write a blog for my darling wife)
5.45 pm – leave to go home
5.46-6.15 pm – cycle home
6.16 pm – approach back door can hear shouting and music
6.17 pm – youngest child approaches me looking very cute and I assume he is looking for a cuddle but I get a bite/slap on the leg followed by some shouting
6.20 pm – eldest child starts demanding television and a glass of milk – denied on grounds of rudeness and inappropriate use of the phrase “I want”…
6.21 – 6.45 pm – very long and noisy tantrum ensues from eldest child complete with door slamming, spell in naughty corner and lots of tears.
6.46 pm – Catherine leaves for gym class that I know doesn’t start for at least another 30 minutes and she’s definitely going to sit in the car and look at Instagram for 25 minutes.
6.47 pm – manage to read several stories to both boys on sofa downstairs and very proud that my eldest son is now able to recognise 80% of the alphabet and link the letters to words.
6.55 pm – bed time – take 1 – head upstairs and manage to get youngest child into bathroom to brush his teeth. I’ve lost the other one.
6.57 pm – find the eldest one in the bedroom pulling 6 books at a time out of the bookshelf trying to find the story we’re reading tonight.
7.00 pm – both boys have finished brushing teeth and I manage to herd them into the bedroom.
7.05 pm – read a Peppa Pig story to my youngest son.
7.06 pm – Peppa Pig story ends and start to read Jack and the jelly bean stock to eldest son.
7.08 pm – youngest son jumps out of bed and starts battering toys off the wall.
7.10 pm – finish Jack and the Jellybean stalk – it isn’t enough I have to read the Jolly Postman now.
7.11 pm – eldest son suddenly gets out of bed and goes to toilet
7.13 pm – youngest son gets out of bed and starts to empty jigsaws over the room
7.15 pm – shouting for the bathroom…the eldest one has done a poo and needs help wiping his bottom
7.17 pm – manage to get both boys back into bed and start to read the Jolly Postman
7.25 pm – the Jolly Postman is bloody long
7.30 pm – still reading the fecking Jolly Postman
7.32 pm – time for them to settle. I say I’m going to go downstairs to make Mummy and Daddy’s tea. That’s inconsequential according to my eldest son- he needs his back itched
7.34 pm – itching my eldest sons back who is definitely getting sleepy
7.36 pm – leave bedroom to go downstairs
7.38 pm – realise that the downstairs has been turned into a mini Gambado
7.38 pm – 8.00pm – tidy house
8.01 pm – Catherine appears from her gym class and we chat about the day that’s been. What happened, where did we go, how was nursery, how was work…Catherine goes for bath
8.30 pm Catherine cooks a dinner – I write more of this
9.00 pm – eat dinner and chill together on the couch
9.15 pm – shall we watch something…Netflix? Iplayer?
9.20 pm decide on programme, but then sit and watch Lions videos on my phone (rugby)
9.30 pm – both realise we’re knackered
9.35 pm – “shall we just watch something on the iPad in bed?” “Yeah” I watch a few more Lions things on my phone and check what Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnston has been up to on Instagram…
9.45 pm – Start to watch something, both fall asleep watching iPad.
So that’s a typical day for me as a Dad. The small parts of my day that I’m actually around the kids are the most colourful and enjoyable bits of my life. Even with the stress, tantrums and tiredness I wouldn’t swap it for anything else in the world.
I hope that sufficiently boring enough that I’ll not be asked to write something again…
For inspiration on what to get the dad in your life please have a look at the Father’s Day Edit.